Blurry Thoughts - What I see, What I feel!

All these triggers make me feel goddamn butterflies.
The feeling of impotence, not being able to be what I want with who I want.
Staring at what could be us, but better.
Smiling and then feeling the stab of reality in my back.
Missing someone this hard, remembering what we were sort of building and now it is in stand by or stopped.
You made me realize weaknesses that I never thought I had, and there it is, reality craving these painfull happy memories into my thoughts.
I can't run.
I can't hide.
I can only blur my thoughts.
BUT?
Who am I blurred?
I do not recognize this sort of despicable me, that loses himself into some sort of darkness.
And for that I blame you.
You opened my mind, made me open my horizons, but now in this darkness the hole is bigger and I question everything that I did, I do and think I will do.

I'm not even shure if I care anymore.

I just know that life without you close is not fun at all.

So maybe, but just maybe i still care.

And I cannot find myself to hate or love this feeeling.
And I definetly hate myseft fot that even thoe I managed to find strength through you to improve, or so I thought so, I can't stand this feeling of not having you.
And where do we stand in all of this?

I'm here and you're there and that is it.

I'll keep craving for you, your body and your soul.
I'll stand here waiting, wishing and losing.

These Blurry Thoughts.

CM