As someone else said!

So here i am again...

After so many years, although many thoughts crossed my mind worth writing i never disposed the time,

Time flies, and we keep thinking and thinking.

We have to value all the good things we have, but meanwhile it seems that there's alwasys something missing. We struggle and argue with our better half but it seems that we get dimineshed and futiled by our desires.

Some say carnal isn't everyhting, and i believe that it is true, as long as we are old and can't make it work but as we are young and all mother nature seems to love it, it just feels odd that i can value something so much and the other half can't get a minimal grip of the need.

By the need i don't mean gettting it wet all the time and getting the "needs" all out!
I mean apretiacion  of somebody elses body, form the inside out.

From kissing the toes and the sheens to bitting the thighs and liking the inner part all the way near to clitoris without touching it and slide from bottom to the top kissing the forehead and then slipping down with lips and kissing the tip of the nose, slide to the neck, kiss the sides, rise to the ears and bite the tips bottom to top. Get you tongue out, slide all across the lips, side to side, play with the corners, light bite the lips and suck them pulling them out and tangle the wet tongues.

Turn her around, grab her hair, kiss her neck and upper back, shoulder to shoulder, one hand on the neck other had on the breast sling down on her!

Turn her around you while you travel her body with your hands, mouth, tongue.
Look her in the eyes, get closer and kiss her, make her feel that shes the most desired being in the world and hopefully she will get her arms around you and hold you in place with fingers and nails.

You'll hear her moan in pleasure... The most beatufill sound a woman can show/give you.

All this without you getting inside. But getting her in your mouth, travelling your tongue, sucking her,  praising her moves and needs!

Some say you're as big as the womans desire of you.

There's nothing more beautifull as two bodies and souls connecting and desiring each other.

But the desire isnt always there as we try hard and long to bring it out we keep gettting kicked out of the area, sometimes i feel like a beggar, but for fuck sake i pay my orgasm taxes and as long i understand that we're not always there for the same intention i truly don't believe im overtaxing.

As the great John Mayer says "Your Body is  Wonderland!"

Once again...

Once again I kept quiet for so long,
and the only thing that kept still was my writing.
Time doens't wait,
ideias don't stop
but I did,
I stopped putting them on the paper.
I believe that what drove me to put a hold on this
was that some people think that everything that I write happened,
or has some kind of metaphor for things in my life.
The mind is so beautiful when set free
and our job is to filter what comes out,
still it's like we can't have imagination beyond what others like
or their egocentrism allows.
We grow and keep being bombed with shaping methods.
I don't intend to offend or hurt anyones feelings.´
Life is so easy,
yet so hard,
mostly because we make it that way.
I do this for me,
and I'll try to do more for myself in the near future!

Mere promises? Maybe...
Who knows!

Got to love the irony!

Where have my dreams gone to?

Lately I feel so blunt, on edge,
Can't focus because my mind is racing everywhere,
Splitting in so many directions
That I just can't follow.

*Fists Tighten*

The urge to punch something is so big,
So fierce and sometimes I can't control myself,
The door, the wall, myself.
But it doesn't diminish any bad feeling or thoughts,
And now my hands ache,
These hands, that I use to care for others, are suffering.
Because I can't take care of myself.

Got to love the irony!

Blurry Thoughts - What I see, What I feel!

All these triggers make me feel goddamn butterflies.
The feeling of impotence, not being able to be what I want with who I want.
Staring at what could be us, but better.
Smiling and then feeling the stab of reality in my back.
Missing someone this hard, remembering what we were sort of building and now it is in stand by or stopped.
You made me realize weaknesses that I never thought I had, and there it is, reality craving these painfull happy memories into my thoughts.
I can't run.
I can't hide.
I can only blur my thoughts.
BUT?
Who am I blurred?
I do not recognize this sort of despicable me, that loses himself into some sort of darkness.
And for that I blame you.
You opened my mind, made me open my horizons, but now in this darkness the hole is bigger and I question everything that I did, I do and think I will do.

I'm not even shure if I care anymore.

I just know that life without you close is not fun at all.

So maybe, but just maybe i still care.

And I cannot find myself to hate or love this feeeling.
And I definetly hate myseft fot that even thoe I managed to find strength through you to improve, or so I thought so, I can't stand this feeling of not having you.
And where do we stand in all of this?

I'm here and you're there and that is it.

I'll keep craving for you, your body and your soul.
I'll stand here waiting, wishing and losing.

These Blurry Thoughts.

CM

Life's a....

Life is a...

So much changes when you move out of your confort zone,
Travel to a new country,
Leave family and friends behind hoping they wont forget you while you're away.
A big chunk of you gets ripped from your chest and life kicks you forward remembering you that you left for a reason, or reasons.
Being a grown up sucks and life keeps pushing you.
Not everything is bad as you learn to love as you miss the simple things that used to bore you and learn that there is life beyond your country and you can succeed with the tools that you've been sharpening all your life.
Use this tools to be someone,
They will go to work with you and help you be great,
They will go home with you and select the kind of people you will live with,
You play with,
The people that you're starting a new life with.
But remember to also use these tools on you,
Shape yourself,
Evolve and adapt,
At the end of the day what matters the most is that you feel like yourself,
That the changes make a better you,
That you feel good with your "improvements"
But what if at the end of the day you don't recognize youself?
You feel lonely, empty and the pleasures that could make you want to go on are just temporary, Because life is a bitch and loves to play games with you,
Even when you don't want to play,
Specialy when you don't want to play.
But get your tools, raise your head and take a deep breath,

Scream " FUCK IT"

And build your way through life.
If it doesn't get better at least you didn't give up and that will last forever!

CM

Drawings of Her. The Art Gallery of Memories.

Drawings of Her. The Art Gallery of Memories.


Everything is set.

You and I in a room.

Some music playing.
Not too loud.
Not too low.

Got a candle burning.
Not only for the sweet scent.
But for the light to dance on the walls.

I lay you beside me.
My eyes are focused.
My lips are sealed.
And my hand journey begins.
Slowly starting on moving your hair to the side.
Making your neck and ear accessible.
And your perfume rises into the air.

Placing my hand on your cheek I start moving my fingers carefully
On all the lines,
Carving all the details on my mind,

Hmm

The softness of your lips.
The brightness of your eyes,
All the little bumps on your birth marks,

Gosh

You feel so beautiful.

You look at me
And you don't need to speak.
I know I'm a weirdo
But I also know that you care for me
And that warms my heart.

I kiss your nose
You smile
And my fingers slowly slide along them
Recording the shape of it.

Around the ears they go
And down the side of the neck.
I can't resist to bite it.
Just a little.

Your clothes won't stay on you for much long
And there are some memories that I'll never share.

I shall forever keep these paitings and sculptures of you in my memories.
Until the day I can touch you again.
And again work on these beautiful master pieces of you next to me.

May time never break us appart.

CM

Life On Standby

Life on stand by...

How many times do I find myself lost in thoughts?

Wandering the endless sea on my mind, questioning everithing and everione.

And when I can't find myself I'm probably drifting away,

Sinking deeper and deeper into this gooey gray matter,

That looks like it was overcooked.

Everything seems so meaningless with low prospectives.

I know I'm working and I'm saving money but it feels so empty.

Startinga new life from scratch is exhausting.

Missing everione and everything I left behind is exhausting.

And I thing that my exhaust is also exhausted, because i feel my life running by so fast,

As if it's getting drained and I just stand by watching and taking notes.

It feels like a parallel universe where getting lost is so easy

And finding my way back nearly impossible.

CM